"let Go"

I've been a SAHM (stay at home mom) for the last 17 years and i have really enjoyed it.
Motherhood has deepened my soul, taxed my brain, worn out my body and changed me forever.
This year, after all my children were in school all day i took a part-time job in a special-needs classroom. I have been working with Kids with severe disabilities and they have saved me from focusing too much on my own problems. As the financial stresses grew more and more evident this year for us and for my husbands job, it was a good thing for me to get out of my very quiet house while my kids were at school and go get out of myself and help as a "para" or aide. I've pushed kids in wheelchairs, accompanied two of them, who were my particular charge, to "mainstream" classes. I've tested them, quizzed them on spelling, math and comprehension, learned how to work a "Dynavox" word device for kids with no means of verbal communication,
was trained to "cath" and feed with a "feeding tube" and twice a month I get to teach Art.
We've taken these kids bowling, to the planetarium, farm, ice skating, to the theater, and every thursday we take them swimming. It's been a pleasure and a delight and to get to know them and they have enriched my life.

It's been an amazing experience for me. I now see what goes on in a special needs classroom.
For years I put my own special needs child on the bus and sent her off into the world, praying hard that she would be okay. She was.
I'm now looking into going back to school for a teaching certificate in mild/moderate disabilities.
I'm excited and nervous. But first I have to pass the Math Competency Test.
Did I mention that I'm fairly sure, I myself have some undiagnosed learning disorders? Especially in math.
I've never been tested-I don't think they tested for things like that when I was school-aged.
I'm just saying, the math test is not going to be easy for me.
I don't want to push any more. I want more to be "guided" now.
I am to a point where I am needing to "Let Go" of things that don't work for me anymore.
I will study for my math test and I am open to this direction that I think I might be going-to be a teacher of kids with disabilities. But I am not going to try to "make this happen", because I have no energy any more to "make" anything happen.