He hears me

     I prayed for a bunch of things today; for rain because my lawn is now "crunchy" and I'm not sure I can wait for May to water. I watched a Nova program last night about the droughts that scientists seem to think are increasing and I was thinking how we really need some water! I should not watch shows like that right now. I already know I need to be careful about what I watch and should not watch the news more than maybe once or twice a week to catch the weather forecast and see what's going on. I do like the Govenor's daily update sometimes as well as listening to Dr. Angela Dunn because she seems intelligent and sensible. I'm interested for example, about what's going on here with the virus and in New York and St.George because I have people there.
      I also prayed for the end of social distancing to come soon, but not too soon because, well, I don't know when that should happen and I don't want to jump the gun but gee it would really be nice. I prayed that I could be able to go to the Temple again soon-maybe for my Birthday?  For the health and protection the good health care workers and for certain people in my family who are compromised and for help with our mental health and outlook as we need some extra help with focusing on positive things and to be able to see the blessings in our life, which sometimes especially  the last few days have been I have been struggling with. We have been okay financially, and will be for the next month or two (?) but we will really need to get our "stimulus check" sometime or we will get behind on some bills- now that I am not working at all and Kari has to take an unpaid furlough week every month. We keep checking the IRS "Get my payment" site which keeps telling us "Payment Status not Available". Maybe if I watched the news more I would know what's up with that. Meanwhile I have read a few articles that try to explain that we just need to keep checking because the IRS is still updating files.

I was going to get up and get going because I had to run to pick up a new Vetsulin for the dog and dog food and some other things from Trader Joes. I  took a shower and studied-did my reading and then listened to some talks that were really comforting and brought me some specific assurances that comforted my worries, while I colored a mandala from a coloring book with sharpies while I waited for my hair to dry. I love to color in the morning or write in my journal or work on my Dad's history-which I alternate or do all three if I have time. 
      I was dragging my feet and watching the hours go by, which makes me nervous because I always feel like it's better for me to get errands done in the morning.  I was on my way out when I thought I'd quickly check my e-mails, but had the thought "you should go now".  I have had enough thoughts like this one in my life to recognize this was a thought I needed to acknowledge and act on. I was on my way quickly and when I arrived at around 11:00 a.m. the doors at Trader Joes were open and a worker standing there said "Good morning, come on in!" and "No one's here and you can come right on in!". He was happy to tell me this and I was delighted because the last few trips I have had to stand in line behind 10-20 people as they have a limit to how many people can be in the store at a time. I shopped and checked out and noticed on my way out the parking lot was now full and the line was long to get in the store.  It was a gift to me on this day to be there at exactly the right time.  I didn't pray for that, but I felt like it was an acknowledgement of the prayers I did communicate. I didn't know I would appreciate this or even that I needed it, but I felt that The Lord knew.  After so many days of running to the store, even though I try to only go once or twice a week, it is stressful to be there with my mask on, which fogs up my glasses and makes me sneeze, while trying to keep distant from other shoppers and remember everything on my list. I had the thought that I am so thankful that I listened to that quiet direction and felt like  HE watches over me and wants to bless me as much as I will let him.  When I got home it started to rain. 

Homeschool

In light of the current Covid situation we find ourselves in and the fact that we are about to enter the world of Homeschool again (!) I was thinking about when we did this the first time.

Several years ago I did not know how to do Home School and did not want to try it at all! I didn't know anyone who was doing it except for one family in our old neighborhood- but that mother was sort of a wonder woman type that taught ALL of her 8+ children at home and they were all geniuses who she had also taught violin and piano. That was not me.
However, the idea of it kept coming to me because my fourth grader was having a really hard time in school that year. Like all my children he was shy and sensitive, but this year he was worried and often had stomach aches and did not want to go to school.
Looking back I believe there may have been some bullying going on, but he didn't use those exact words and I didn't want to see that.  I did glean that his class was full of some rowdy boys-some pretty strong personality types that the teacher struggled to manage. It was her last year of teaching before she retired and while I felt for her, the class was a chaotic and scary ordeal for my son.
  I would have liked to volunteer to help in the class to see for myself what was going on but I had young children at home and no one to babysit for me.  I had heard some disconcerting reports from other parents who had, and it was confirmed difficult situation.  I won't go into all that was reported to me because I have since had many teaching experiences that opened my eyes to how difficult some classes and some students can be, so I'm not laying blame at the teachers feet alone.  I remember having a few conversations with the Principal about what we were going through and that she also acknowledged there were some problems there.

 By the time we got to the end of February, we were exhausted and it seemed there was nothing left to do but to take him out of school. I was shocked at how easy this was. I had to call someone and say I was doing it and I think they mailed me a form to sign.
It felt like jumping off a cliff but because we felt some quiet assurance through prayer,  and also we reasoned that because there were only a few more months of the school year before the summer we felt that we might as well.
One of my neighbors had heard of someone in the area who was also doing school at home and gave me her number.  This dear woman, with a son my son's same age, came right over to talk to me and brought me books and invited us to their Friday "field trip" group and we felt like maybe it would be okay.  We loved the books, especially "A Thomas Jefferson Education" where we learned that all great thinkers were self-taught. Also that people love and will learn naturally on their own unless that desire is beaten out of them, which can happen sometimes, as outlined in another book I read about how modern schools were originally set up not to enhance learning but to train people who do what they're told and work well in factories.  One book suggested that we shorten attention spans by dividing learning segments up into seven subjects a day-that the focus of hurry and get this done so we can go on to the next thing is not a natural thought process. Since then I have seen a lot of kids in the schools I have worked at just begin to enjoy and get into something when it's time to go on to something else.

 I became aware of and love the idea that we are each responsible for our own learning and education and that after a period of "recovery" a child will naturally be drawn to educating themselves, that we can just get out of the way and let them guide it, be there for them and help them gather the resources they need.
 In our home school we had a morning devotional where we read some scriptures and prayed. Then we read books that were to become very meaningful to us like "Little Britches" and "the Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglas". We were inspired and moved by story of Frederick Douglas who taught himself to read and write despite being beaten for doing so.  Then we'd pick some other subject of interest and read about that online or go to the Library.  We did attempt math a few times but that is not my strong suit and I admit that we failed here. Once we set up plastic toy soldiers and enacted WWII-even though we did it inaccurately. We watched some movies that had some historical relevance and even some musicals because, well, I liked them. We also did some cooking and some other kitchen "science" experiments ( can you do too many baking soda and vinegar volcanos?) and on Fridays we'd go with the group to a museum, planetarium (free once a month to home school groups) or park or go to someone's house for an art project.  One family was so generous and made a number of pies for "Pi" day, we went to their house a number of times and they have since moved away.  I feel sorry I don't even remember their names. I will never forget their kindness and hospitality.
Another concept we read about is that sometimes a child is so traumatized by a harmful school environment that they forget their love of learning and need to recover. I was happy to learn you help this by playing. I am a big believer in playing and in giving children a lot of opportunities for free time and for free play.
I felt my children certainly got that and am pleased that we were on that course anyway. There were many years full unstructured time and of playing together including drawing, dolls, tea-parties, putting on plays and time to be bored.

Of course, my younger children enjoyed these home school experiences too.  The whole thing opened our eyes about the owning of ones education and allowed us to trust that people don't need to be force-fed to learn, but be supported and allowed to genuinely love learning. Once in another setting someone asked my daughter who was four "where she went to school" with a great deal of aplomb she replied "I do HOMESCHOOL." The experience also helped me realize that this same child who was not happy in her preschool situation didn't need to be forced to do that either. I was a little sad about it because her older sister loved  her experience there and I couldn't figure out why it was so different for this child. She was adamant and tearful about not going and we said "Ok" and let it go. Many years later she quipped "Remember when I had to go to preschool where they made me eat bananas and then my throat would close up and I couldn't breathe!"  Well, that was enlightening and I wondered why I had never noticed that she didn't eat bananas!-probably the result of being number 4 of 5 children, sorry to say. I also believe this greatly influenced her own well-being when she faced some difficulties later in High School.

The parents of the group had a book club and we read books including "Jane Eyre" then we'd get together for a discussion while the kids played. One time it was at the "Pi" house and they opened their swimming pool and the kids had a great time.
We held "home school" for the remainder of the year and I remember it fondly as one of the best experiences of our lives. We grew and changed our minds about holding teachers completely responsible for what we learn. We recovered somewhat from the bad behaviors we'd witnessed and grew in our appreciation for our own learning styles and admitted that the public school system does the best it can given the circumstances.

The next year my son was ready to go back to school for 5th grade and he had a great teacher and a great year!

I learned that sometimes as a parent you have to do some things you didn't expect, or that you didn't want to do, but you just do the best you can with what you have and that is fine. I learned that sometimes those things seem really difficult but that in the end you look back on those experiences with gratitude that you let them come to you.


P.S .Due to Covid, our youngest finished his High School Career doing all online work and Graduated in June. More on this later.

School Carnival

I haven't written here for a few years and am doing now again because I cannot walk- at least I was told not to walk for exercise.  I am doing my exercises and going for Physical Therapy and I think/hope I might be getting better.  I have two more weeks until I meet with Mr. Podiatrist again so, this "writing thing" might be short lived but I find it helps me a lot...here's a memory from when the kids were little I am writing about again-


The Carnival we didn't get to go to

We all lounged on the trampoline with blankets a lot. The tramp became sort of an extra room when the weather was good. We'd read or play a game or just lie there and look up at the sky or the leaves of the trees that shaded us. We'd laze to the wave it made whenever anyone stepped on or off.  I could spend hours there on a summer day and see who would eventually come out to talk or snuggle, have enough of that and go in when someone else or two someone's would then come out. We'd scoot the edge of the tramp up to the porch out the back door and it was just so easy to walk onto the bouncy room.  Sometimes someone would want to jump and I'd have to get off or have motion sickness.

We had no back yard neighbors to the west, just the church park grass and parking lot and Church which acted as a buffer against all the other houses and people in our neighborhood.  I had several dreams when we first moved in that there were airplanes that would land in the church park and some dreams were scary because it looked like the planes were not going to stop in time and might run into our yard  through our fence. (A weird thing is that, I later found out that this area was a landing field and mini airport before the houses were built)

The back yard was like a delight and is one of the reasons we bought this house in Sandy. It is private and delightful for the most part, except for the times someone would bring their dogs over for a run, and our anxious dogs would run at the fence and bark at them until we'd make them come inside. 

On this particular evening after dinner,  I had some books I was hoping to be able to read to the kids, always sublime when i could get everyone to want to listen to a story or a chapter because it seemed our hearts contented themselves in reading. This night though, no one was in the mood. Kari was still at work and the children were fitful.  There was a period of maybe 4 or 5 (or 6) years from 2002 to 2007 (?) where it seemed we were always teetering on some financial ledge, due to the precarious nature of the business "start-ups" we were involved with. During that period we were always hopeful this new thing would "go big" if we just held on during the beginning phase.

We had food and the basics and I think my mom bought the kids almost all their clothes for several years, but I could not come up with the money for tickets to the School Carnival being held that night. We could see through the fence that there were a myriad of blow-up style bouncy houses and water slides, we imagined hot dogs and could almost smell popcorn in the air. 

 I was comforted, maybe in answer to a silent prayer for how to comfort my children who really wanted to be over where the fun was! Time slowed down for me and I was wrapped in the warm evening air and deeply consoled by love that seemed to float down to me from above. I was suddenly aware as I lay there surrounded by my little kids, that I had everything I ever wanted.  What a gift to be in our backyard, in the fading light of the evening sky, even with their seeming melancholia, which created in us a longing to be together and find solace for our lack.  I realized it was a blessing to NOT have to be there in that commotion! We could hear the screams and the music and I imagined the running and jumping and wondered who would be having the first meltdown if we had gone. I think our moods lightened, and I wonder now if my kids remember the sting of not being able to go to the carnival or if it is even in their memories at all? 

I'm sure we read together as we listened to the fading sounds and eventual end of the goings-on and we lingered there until we were chilly and tired before we went in to our beds, with the realization that we really hadn't missed anything important.  I reflect on this memory often, because it is one that defined us and also became a theme. We have been drawn towards activities that are replenishing and quieter that the noise.  We have enjoyed our backyard, which still provides us an oasis with tall trees and shade and a place to sit on a warm summer night where we can read or be comforted at times, when it feels like we can not have what we think we want to have.

How to buy toilet paper

In case you're wondering how to buy toilet paper these days I offer this:

I'm not in a panic. We have a few weeks of T.P. and food stuffs left , maybe three if we're careful. After that we'll have some not very fun food storage left like beans and rice and flour,  and some cans of soup and spam.  But I am thoughtful these days about what we'll do when we run out, so I thought I'd try to see what I could find this morning and I had a plan based on some earlier observations.

When we tried Smith's by our house yesterday on our way home (after dropping off a car for repairs) at about 5 minutes before they opened at 8:00 a.m. we found a long line of people waiting to get in the doors. Since I was with my daughter and she was not up for a challenge on her only day off, we decided that I would come back later.

 When I went back an hour later the shelves were empty of t.p. but I picked up one of the last packages of Paper Towels. Water is also gone but I don't really care about that because that is the one thing I have plenty of.  I like to fill up used vinegar and juice bottles and keep a good water supply. Well except that I like to have distilled to run our humidifier. oh well. I got eggs and milk. 

This morning I figured I'd try my luck and figure out how the line works.  I arrived at 7:45 a.m. thinking if I could handle waiting in line for 15 minutes.  There were about 40 people in line ahead of  me.  Others arrived and got in line, but there were others who saw the line and just stood by the cart stand in the parking lot near the front and in other places thinking they would just go in on their own when the doors opened without getting in line. I was nervous about them as there were murmurs from people in line about them not being in the line. Oh geez I thought, is there going to be a stampede or something. "I am not going to run, no matter what." I don't need anything that bad.

 At 8:00 a.m. an employee came out and yelled some instructions that I could not hear, someone ahead of us told us that he said "One Toilet Paper package per household" and "put 3 ft between you and other people".  He opened the doors and allowed the line to go in, when the others from the parking area who were hoping to go in started for the doors some of the people in the line started screaming at them; "You're not getting in here!" and "Get in line like the rest of us!"  it was embarrassing and I felt bad about this because some of the people were older. Not elderly, but one guy was definitely in his 70's. I didn't feel bad for the four middle aged men who had a bit of an attitude,  looked like they were hunting buddies, and maybe came together. (?)  They looked to me like they thought they were tough guys that didn't need to get in line. If they hadn't been there I think the others would have been accommodated by the line Nazi's.

Ok, once inside the store, people went all kinds of directions and a few of us towards the bath tissue isle, which I found curious. Weren't these people ALL here for the hottest commodity too?  The isle was completely empty of people and t.p. and I was bewildered!  I circled back to the milk and asked a woman who had t.p. in her arms-holding it like a baby, where she got it. She told me they were unloading it in the Floral department. How did I manage to miss that sort of important bit of information? 

By the time I got there the big packs of Angel Soft were gone and they were handing out little Cottonelle packs. I told the lady handing them out that I waited in line and then went to the toilet paper isle and found it empty. She said "Sorry you missed the announcement, you should have followed all the people."   Like a little kid who got in the wrong line for lunch I dejectedly took my little package and left. 

I immediately vowed to my own brain "I'm not ever doing that again!"  but then realized I have told a few elderly neighbors who will also need toilet paper soonish, that I would pick up some for them!  I can imagine many different senarios a store could implement that would be better than what I saw today;  handing out tickets, letting elderly customers go first, having signs up about line procedures or explaining where the goods have been moved, etc

On the way out of the store I yelled out to several random nervous people coming in "Toilet Paper's in Floral !"  I wanted to also yell "God help you!" or "May the force be with you!" but I didn't.

I

My Favorite Movies

I'm not sure why I feel the need to write this down but here it is, my list of favorite movies;

#1. Sense and Sensibility

#2. Pride and Prejudice (A&E Version)

#3. It's a Wonderful Life

#4. Meet me in St. Louis

#5. Fiddler on the Roof

#6. The Sound of Music

#7. Napoleon Dynamite

#8. High Noon

#9. Far from the Madding crowd

#10. Brooklyn

#11. The Best years of our Life

#12. The Way Way Back

#13. Mcfarland USA

#14. The Greatest Showman

#15. The Philadelphia Story

#16. Rebecca

#17.Groundhog day

#18. The Other side of Heaven

#19. The Family Stone

#20. New York Doll

#21. Little Women (Susan Sarrandon as Marmie)

#22. The Ten Commandments

#23. The Emperor's New Groove

#24. Gidget

#25. Grease

#26. Gone with the Wind 

#27. Beauty and the Beast (animated)

#28. Toy Story

#29. Emma and Clueless cuz well really they are the same story.


There are quite a few of these that I watch pretty often, once a year or close anyway. I watch It's a Wonderful Life and The Family Stone every Christmas for example, Meet me in St. Louis every Fall around Halloween, and  The Ten Commandments at Easter.  I love to watch Little Women or Sense and Sensibility if I am sick-bad enough to stay in bed.  The Way Way Back, Grease or Gidget in the summer.
I can watch Pride and Prejudice any season or anytime, especially if I have to deep-clean my room or fold a lot of laundry.

New York Doll always touches me and I watch it when I need to heal from some emotional hurt to remind me what is what.

I don't watch Gone with the Wind very often but I have to put it on my list.  I love the first part and can hardly stand to finish the second part but I always do out of a sense of duty.

Summer Mornings

4:00 a.m. is my favorite time of the day. I like that hour. I usually awaken sometime around then and visit the Loo, and like the fact that the house is quiet, and everyone is where they should be...in their beds.

I wander to the kitchen for a drink of water, look out at the yard to see if there are any cougars or skunks or other dangerous villains, and have time to think. My thoughts are relaxed and uncluttered at that time of day and there is no pressure.  I have a few hours to go back to bed if I want, or I can sit in a chair for awhile, or kneel and pray. If the dogs need to go out, they will get up with me at that time too, and I will go out too and look at the stars. The 4:00 hour on our street is silent and I can hide in my too-short pajamas in the darkness behind the giant ponderosa in our front yard.  The dogs do their biz quickly and quietly and since nothing very interesting is going on, and because they are afraid of the dark, they come in quickly, without my having to chase or call after them ten times which is what happens if they get out during daylight. 

It is the best hour for me, for thoughts that feel sacred and clear.

6:30 a.m is the next favorite time for me.  I wake and roll out of bed for a walk, followed by some weed pulling and other gardening while the air is cool and delicious. 

By 7:30 a.m. the persons who don't have work off for the summer have been bidden "good-day" at work and the dogs have been fed and some laundry and dishes have been started.

The morning continues on with breakfast, scripture reading, checking bank accounts and e-mails while moving the sprinkler around the yard if it's a watering day-or hand watering on other days.

I am inspired everyday of my summer vacation by the possibilities for hiking, reading, artwork or writing that might happen!

By 10:00 a.m. it's time to think about what we're going to eat for the day and face going to the store. It's never as bad as I think it's going to be, especially if I get it done early.

If, by 11:00 a.m. it's not too hot I can usually try to get some other cleaning done, try to be happy while trying to get teenagers to want to do anything productive....or fun, on any given day, like get out of bed before 1:00 p.m. But, If it's hot, and because we have a swamp cooler that only really works on days when it's less that 98 degrees I start to fade into a thing that dosn't care. 

By lunchtime on hot days, all my morning optimism turns into clamminess and a desire to escape into the basement for an extra degree or two of coolness and sink into the land of bad Netflix movie choices. I have been known to not emerge again, aside from obtaining nourishment, and/or trying to find a reasonable representation of nourishment to the starving masses that live at my house and/or to those who may be visiting,  that won't take me or my kitchen past the degree of heat where things start to combust. 

If you're looking for me this summer, try to find me before lunch time. 

I don't know squat

I DO NOT "KNOW" lots of stuff.
I am convinced that I have some kind of  learning disorder(S) that makes my brain unable to  process certain things.  If you are going to try to spell something to me from across the room so that the children present won't catch on then forget it!  You'll need to wait while I get a piece of paper and pencil so I can write it down first.  I have to be able to "see it".
 Also, To say that I am not a "Math Head" is a laughable understatement. The last math class i managed to pass was 10th grade algebra. I remember tearfully trying to explain to the teacher that i did not deserve an "F" because after all, I  did turn in all of the assignments and take all of the tests-and that that should merit at least a "D". I reasoned that if I had not turned anything in and had not taken any tests-then that might justify an "F".  The part of a brain people use to do math is missing in mine.
I'm not a good "multi-tasker" either and I need more down-time than the average person I think.
Socially, I am a bit "off". I am not trying to get sympathy here and I am not ashamed.  All my dearest friends and family can attest that... I'm a little weird. I am happy they love me anyway, but  this has gotten me into some trouble from time to time and currently up to now even.
I felt, growing up that I was just not really aware of how to act in many circumstances.  Once, in High School there was an assembly that was very emotional  for me-because it was the "Dance Company Assembly". I was feeling hurt-I wanted to be a Dancer-to be in "Dance Club" but the tryouts were rigorous for me and I found that I could not learn complicated dance steps to even get me to the "tryout" level. I was deeply afraid of Connie Jo-the Dance Teacher who yelled at me for...laughing at the wrong time once-during a very serious pas de duex excercise.  As I sat there watching all these beautiful girls in their black sparkling leo's, I felt tears welling up in my eyes. It was horrifying, I could actually feel water beginning to drip down my face! I became aware of my friend beside me, shaking. Was she crying too? Was she laughing? Was she aware that I was crying and trying to lend some support? I've always cried at odd and weird times-this friend was always good at cheering me up-or at least ending my emotional upheavals with distractions.  I'm not sure why this struck me as it did, but I started laughing and that made my friend laugh. If she wasn't laughing previously, she was completly lost to it now.  Soon we were both laughing our guts out. My laugh was louder though.  I laughed at the whole philosophical thing. It could not have been funnier-this idea that I was not "In" dance company.  I did not also pass an audition for Choir. I was a failure. Except for "Pep club" and "Science" club, my whole idea of what I thought I should be doing in "High School" was a bomb, and realized in this very moment! And yet somehow embraced through a deep acknowledgement of hurt, then tears-turned to laughing.  So Strangely comforted by the Universe in the dark East High Auditorium during the Dance Company Assembly.  It was hysterical. I think I wet my pants.
It was not hysterical however, to the sister of one of the dancers, who sat several rows behind us and who was sure we were laughing at her sister, who by the way had rather large bosoms-which I guess she was sensitive about. (?)  The sister was enraged and promptly informed said sister...  Dancing, mad, sister, later questioned me-I was her friend right? Why was I laughing at her during the Dance assembly?  I was, like "Whu?"  Actually, thinking about it all these 30+ years later I think there might of been a second of laughing at ms. dancing big bosom-but it was more like "Wow, so this is the ideal?"- I'm not such a freaky freakout....so you can dance-but you've got your problems too...all you perfect girlies up in there that can dance and are all that!
Yeah. It's weird to be me. I have learned better over the years to cue in to social norms like not laughing during performances, and other good stuff.
I  could go on and on about all the stuff I DO NOT KNOW. I felt bad about that stuff for a long time.
I mean, Why can't I know how to do math? I've tried. My dad blew several gaskets and I blame his alcoholism on my not being able to understand math.  Just kidding. More on that later.
That all changed when my daughter was born and later diagnosed with pretty significant learning disorders.
I had a dream that was so deep it changed the way I see what my daughter "Knows" and what she does not, and therefore what I do and do not.  I wrote about that dream earlier here and I won't go into it here completely, but the idea of it is that I am completely convinced we have been given exactly what we need here in this life to learn and accomplish precisely what we alone are meant to do.  We have been given all the tools we need.  We don't have all the same tools! Freak! What would that look like? We all have what we need to help and serve others and they too have what they have to help us when we may have a need.
It's absolutely the divine plan of the Creator who designed us. Not one of us is complete unto ourselves, only together, sharing what we've been given are we going to end up growing in the things that are important, deep and meaningful.
So, I can't do math and I'm a bit socially awkward.  My auditory processing skills are slim to none if I didn't get a really good night's sleep. I can do 2 things at one time only for 3 or 4 minutes a day. I can list a whole other page of  good "tools" that weren't packed in my "box", but I'm at a good stage where that hardly bothers me anymore, because I'm really really thankful for the tools I got to come with.  I'm really glad someone said-"Well, she can't do a lot of things, can't dance, can't sing, has some pretty major issues, including laughing at inappropriate times-but let's let her "KNOW" that the Gospel is true.  I needed that. I got it. For whatever reason, my mind gets to know it.  I know and have always known that there is a God.  I know that his Son Jesus Christ is The Saviour of the World and that His Church is on the earth right now.  It's here until he comes again. I know about the Book of Mormon too...I get to read it everyday and feel the truth of it.  It's true that it was written by Prophets who lived on this continent thousands of years ago...written about Jesus! They knew about him, when HE was born and when HE died and when HE was resurrected because HE came here and visited them. Awesome. They wrote it on gold plates, and Joseph was the guy who got to interpret the book, for US.  Then the angel came and took the plates back. I know there are angels among us.  The only way a person can know if it's true is to read it and pray about it and ask God if it is true. More amazing awesomeness.  I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. When he prayed as a young boy, to know which church he should join, God the Father and his son Jesus Christ appeared to him.  Got it. It's truth to me. I know it. I've known it forever. Can't remember when I didn't know it.  I know it again and again. and more. It feels like a gift. I wouldn't trade it for dancing or singing well or a zillion other things. Or even doing math. Amen. I'll not apologize for knowing.  Some people get to know. I don't know why some don't other than it comes back to that whole "tool box" thing. We don't all have to have the same set of gifts/tools.  It's useless to ask things like "Why didn't my daughter get to have the tools the other kids get to have? nope. How about me?
Don't I get to learn math? nope. Not in this life.