Sunday, May 29, 2011

Throwing up is not dangerous

It sometimes starts with someone who laments "I don't feel good." Early on, you can try acidophiles or chamomile tea, but if it progresses to the "crying stage" you know you're in for some action. After all these years I can spot a kid who's going to throw up a mile away. Mine or someone else's, actually, it's a gift I have. Also, after all the sickness I've encountered, I have an iron stomach and am lightening fast with a garbage can. I'm pretty proud of that fact and am trying to figure out how or where to list it on my resume. Nothing makes me queasy anymore, and I've pretty much seen it all from boogers wiped on walls, moldy mysteries in the fridge to vomit on the carpet. I can easily clean up, diaper or "cath" a kid at school while taking about the weather. I'm also good with feeding tubes and drool management.
Sometimes, if the throwing up thing is not an absolute I can talk someone out of it with a little coaching. If they can lie still in the "corpse position" and breath deeply, sometimes with a good foot rub and relaxation the nausea will pass. If it's imminent, then you bring them a bowl and give them the "throwing up is not dangerous" speech. For a few of my kids the fear of it is the worst. Once it happens it's better.
I hardly ever throw up anymore. I'm pretty sure it's because I've lived through 5 pregnancies where I've barfed my guts out for the first 13 weeks and I'm pretty sure that used up all my barf allotments. Really, I just spell-checked that word and I can't believe that's how you spell allotments.